Lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren't prepared
for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first
witness, a grand-motherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her
and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes I do
know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and
frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on
your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs.
You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you
never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper-pusher. Yes, I
The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across
the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?" She
again replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He
can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is
one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his
wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know
The defense attorney almost died. The judge asked both counselors to
approach the bench, and in a very quiet voice, said, "Neither of you
**** better ask her if she knows me."
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