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Misc. Simple Truths



  • I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either.
  • I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
  • Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
  • Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.
  • Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they aren't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing them again.
  • I don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.
  • My reality cheque bounced.
  • On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
  • I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier.
  • You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
  • Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
  • Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience.
  • A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.
  • Don't be irreplaceable -- if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
  • After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.
  • The more junk you put up with, the more junk you are going to get.
  • You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
  • Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day.
  • When bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
  • Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous."


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