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YOU MIGHT BE A SCHOOL TEACHER IF…



  • You believe the staff room should be equipped with a Valium salt lick.
  • You find humor in other people's stupidity.
  • You want to slap the next person who says "Must be nice to work 8 to 3:20 and have summers free".
  • You believe chocolate is a food group.
  • You can tell if it's a full moon without ever looking outside.
  • You believe "Shallow gene pool" should have its own box in the report card.
  • You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says "Boy, the kids sure are mellow today.
  • When out in public you feel the urge to snap your fingers at children you do not know and correct their behavior.
  • You have no life between August to June.
  • Marking all A's on report cards would make your life SO much simpler.
  • When you mention "Vegetables" you're not talking about a food group.
  • You think people should be required to get a government permit before being allowed to reproduce.
  • You wonder how some parents ever MANAGED to reproduce.
  • You laugh uncontrollably when people refer to the staff room as the "lounge."
  • You believe in aerial spraying of Prozak.
  • You encourage an obnoxious parent to check into charter schools or home schooling.
  • You believe no one should be permitted to reproduce without having taught in an elementary setting for the last 10 years.
  • You've ever had your profession slammed by someone who would "Never DREAM" of doing your job.
  • You can't have children because there's no name you could give a child that wouldn't bring on high blood pressure the moment you heard it uttered.
  • You think caffeine should be available in intravenous form.
  • You know you are in for a major project when a parent says "I have a great idea I'd like to discuss. I think it would be such fun."
  • You smile weakly, and want to choke a person when he or she says "Oh, you must have such FUN every day. This must be like playtime for you."
  • Your personal life comes to a screeching halt at report card time.
  • Meeting a child's parent instantly answers the question "Why is this kid like this?"


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